Humor

Salute the Generals

Said the officer to the soldier, "Private, why did you salute that refrigerator?"

The soldier replied, "Because it was General Electric."

"And that jeep?" the officer asked.
Replied the soldier, "Because it was General Motors."

UN Survey

A survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your most honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a HUGE failure.

In Africa, they did not know what "food" means.
In Western Europe, they did not know what "shortage" means.
In Eastern Europe, they did not know what "opinion" means.
In the Middle East, they did not know what "solution" means.
In South America, they did not know what "please" means.
In Asia, they did not know what "honest" means.
And in the USA, they did not know what "THE REST OF THE WORLD" means.

Japan bashing

It was the first day of school and a new student, Toshiba, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death'?" The teacher saw only a sea of blank faces except for that of Toshiba who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy. "Now," said the teacher, "who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Toshiba: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed, Toshiba is new to our country, and he knows more about it than you do." As the teacher turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese." "Who said that?" She demanded.

Toshiba put his hand up and replied, "Lee Iacocca, 1989."

Arnold and Clinton

Arnold Schwarzenegger is in some trouble. Today, the Los Angeles Times broke a story that quoted six women who claimed that Arnold Schwarzenegger sexually harassed them. When asked about it, President Clinton said, “Six? That's not enough experience to be governor!"

—Conan O'Brien

Bad News from Moses

The Israelites were waiting for Moses to come down from Mt. Sinai after negotiating with God over the Ten Commandments. Finally, a tired Moses appears and begins to speak: "I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news."

Moses says. "The good news is, I got him down to ten. The bad news is, adultery is still in."